life of such: June 2011 Archives
Do you ever get the feeling we are being ripped off and lied to as a society? That our lives are constantly caught up, let down and tangled in a web of marketing and spin? We never REALLY get what we pay for?
I mean, when was the last time you saw a Big Mac that looked like the image on the menu board, and not like the pimply faced teen that handed you your meal, decided to sit on it first before sliding it over the counter? When was the last time you bought a pair of jeans, and your ass looked as good as the obscenely sculpted model posing in the poster? When was the last time you met someone online, and they weren't at all 18kg's heavier, with unwanted facial hair, and 9 years older than their profile pic? (You know who you are.)
Things are never as they seem. From the two big news stories of the day, it would appear that gender-bending is back in vogue. Not since Boy-George walked the streets have we been witness to this much confusion. Today, his Holiness the Dalai Lama, categorically stated that he will not meet our Prime Minister, as"I have nothing to ask him".
Him? I knew there was something about his voice I didn't like. Next we'll be hearing that our PM is just that Orangutan from the ING Bank commercials, and that lustrous ginger mane of hair is really a wig, and that her 'First Man' is actually a real hairdresser, or at least a competent hairdresser. I wouldn't let him cut toenails. Lets face it, if the central showpiece of your professional career was Gillards hair, would you let her out to the world like that? No. You'd send her out looking like a crazy, gender-ambigous celebrity like Lady Gaga or Tom Cruise.
In other news today in this new world of Internet anonymity, we have a cute looking female blogger, supposedly kidnapped and unable to be located. "Amina Arraf", the author of the 'Gay Girl in Damascus' blog who was supposedly showing the online world what life was like for a minority in Syria. The worlds' media had been obsessed with her blog in the rush of Middle East uprising - holding her up as a shining beacon of hope for democracy in an oppressive dictatorship...
After 110 days of blogging, a supposed visit by security forces in Syria and one case of militant kidnapping, it turns out the Gay Girl in Damascus isn't actually a Gay Girl in Damascus...
Like all good internet romances, Amina is neither a young female lesbian currently residing in Syria. "She" is actually a "dude". But let's be honest, this is an old problem, just ask my friend Lola. We have all seen this before. Like all young hot-looking women you think you meet online, when you come face to face with reality, you're not gazing lovingly into the eyes of a beautiful women, you're staring at the unkept beard of a 40 year old white man with a Southern American accent named "Tom".
He is probably a trucker or a pig farmer, may have had relations with cousins in his past, and for reasons unknown, has a penchant for wearing lingere, but not wearing deoderant. This just further re-enforces my mistrust towards men with beards. To be fair, Beards don't have a good track record... Charles Manson, Joaquin Phoenix when he went mental, Jesus, my aunty, the Fat dwarf from Lord of the Rings... They're a pretty sketchy looking bunch of bearded individuals.
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that in this world of digital anonymity, deceit and treachery, as I sit here wearing my $50,000 Rolex, my chromed Bently in the driveway of my country estate, while sampling a fine scotch that is worth at least $19 a bottle, at least be the one setting up the fake profile and telling lies. Life is a little bit more fun that way.
