It's time again for another LOS stooge of the month story... and this time, I'm spreading the award a little wider than any one single person. This time the stooge of the month award goes to a whole group of stupid, brainless, animal loving people... that's right. Congratulations PETA, you have made it to the stoogeboard.

To be perfectly frank and honest with you, I think PETA does some great work. The organisations greatest work involves convincing hot famous women that being photographed naked will give a goat somewhere in Siberia a better life. (I don't know who first came up with the idea, but whoever he is, and lets be honest, it would have to have been a MAN, they deserve to be knighted).

Sometimes PETA say stupid things. Like don't wear clothes made of animals. Which is fine if you are a supermodel and live on a beach in the Bahamas. Last time I checked, none of those conditions apply to me. Then PETA decided that it was a bad idea to eat Cows, Sheep and Chickens, which happen to be three of my favourite vegetables.

And now, some dreadlocked hippy PETA activist has climbed down from their tree long enough to accidentally discover water. Mind you, it is not as though they will use the water to bathe themselves for only the first time in their lives, because we all know that hippies are actually allergic to water and bathing, as are English tourists apparently. And as a result of this discovery of water, the PETA hippies now want to save fish.

How?

By encouraging everyone to call "fish", uh... "sea kittens".

I'm sorry? Sea Kittens? Are PETA assuming everyone on the planet are retards? Are we that easily convinced? I mean, I for one can't remember the last time I confused a stinking, slimey, scaled, cold and clammy fish with a kitten. And I don't even like cats. PETA have even gone on to set up a website about these 'sea kittens'.

They even have make believe stories about these sea kittens... one is called 'snuggle buddies'. Which is kinda gross, when you consider how bad fish smell, and keeping in mind that the stories are aimed at children. "Mummy, can I snuggle with my pet fish tonight?". Technically, PETA could be seen to be encouraging mindless pet slaughter. Oops. Irony.

Speaking of irony, my favourite story from the PETA sea kittens story book reads:

"Tony the Trout is the smartest Sea Kitten in his school. Already litter-trained at 2 months old, Tony went on to double-major in neuroscience and environmental studies at Clamford University, eventually graduating with honours. When Tony is caught and fed to a precocious young child who, having eaten one mercury-filled Sea Kitten too many, falls to the bottom of his class, the irony is not lost on him."

Now, I'm not a total emotional retard, but it is kinda difficult to feel sorry for a mercury-laced fish that exists only to poison innocent young children. I didn't read the story and think, "Hey, saving fish is a good idea". No, I read the story and thought, its time to go fishing out of revenge, to slaughter and kill the dangerous sea kittens by driving metal hooks through their heads. Apparently it is kill or be killed.

There is even a website called fishinghurts.com, which lists 10 reasons why you shouldn't eat tuna. I have included a few of their reasons below... make up your own mind.

1. Brain Rot! Some really smart athlete guy ate tuna all day every day and got mercury poisoning and is now normal like everyone else. (...uh... ok.)

2. Tremendous Tuna! Tuna are big and swim fast. (Ok, in hippy speak, that's like saying don't climb a tree because it's big and leafy)

4. Would you eat your dog? If I was Korean, yes. Oh, and apparently fish are smart and can learn stuff, so I promise to stop eating fish when the things learn how to fetch me beer from the fridge. Deal? Deal.

5. Sorry, Charile. Fish don't want to be caught. I know this, and so does my brother in law. Thats what makes it fun. Ever stolen a cookie you weren't allowed to have as a child? Now you know what its like for fish to be caught. It is fun. Secretly they like it.

6. Death, Soprano's style. Apparently fish die when we catch them. Wow, well done Einstein!

10. Tuna-safe, Tuna. So you can buy tuna-free tuna now... it's this great tasting rubbery crap called Tofu...

As I finish this report, I am awarding PETA the lifeofsuch stooge award, not for snuggle buddies, sea kittens or Tony the child murdering trout, but ultimately for creating a whole publicity campaign that didn't involve a single naked supermodel. Disappointing.

So PETA, congratulations on your award, but please refrain from using actual words which are obviously beyond you, and stick to what you do best. Convincing hot women to pose naked for no apparent reason...