July 2008 Archives

A year past you disappeared like the sun
behind the heavy clouds of a winters tempest
never returning to see the way you made it
rain from my eyes.

But today a year hence
as I pick flowers for your winter garden
it still rains from my eyes
but best of all, you still make me smile.

Many of you are aware that I am kinda a total gun when it comes to weeing err, wii-ing. Tennis, mario kart and baseball... I am pretty much up there with the best in the world. I don't mean to blow my own horn, but some within the wii community secretly refer as a pain in the ass God.

So what is my secret? I find that beer really helps. Scotch helps too. In fact, any form of alcohol helps. Not so much for your own wii skills, but if you happen to be able to get your opponent drunk before you play them, your chances of winning increase exponentially.

So what happens when people succumb to my wii tactic?

Well, from the above picture lets just say they get a little overconfident. And for some reason, while they are playing wii against me while I am using the alcohol tactic, they may do some strange things. Very strange things.

So strange in fact that during a boys night a while ago I was playing against Glover, and mid game he looked me in the eye and said:

"You know what would make this game better?"

"More Beer?"

"No. Less clothes..."

Apart from taking a pic or two of Glovers lovely set of breasts, I also managed to secretly film a snippet of footage of a topless glover playing some wii. Of course, he hardly knew he had no shirt (although by the flex above you might think otherwise - or not) so he had no idea I took the footage.

Surprise!!

For those that cannot see the above video, click here.

Oh, and I may or may not have another video...

I have done my fair share of stupid things in my life... in fact, possibly even more than my fair share, but this one is really up there with all the danny-deckchair heroes and fools that have graced our good green planet in the past.

Father Adelir de Carli. Does the name ring a bell? If it does, it probably brings a smirk of quiet confusion and disapproval to your face.

He was a Brazilian catholic priest, who decided that the best way to protest against the lack of long haul rest-stops for the trucking industry was to tie 1000 balloons to his chair, and float off over the ocean and die. Well, that wasn't entirely the plan, but it was how things worked out.

Here is the thing... he set off in April, and was just found in July floating off the coast of Brasil. How does a guy with a GPS system and phone get lost? He even called police and said he was in trouble and gave them his exact co-ordinates. Now, I'm pretty sure that I could locate someone if they gave me their exact co-ordinates. And I am no eagle eyed rescue worker, but I am pretty sure that I would be able to find a dude with over 1000 brightly coloured and oversized balloons tied to his deck chair. Especially against a backdrop of blue and white sky and blue water.

It took them three months to find him...

Moral of the story?

They will always track you down after your holiday in Brasil. It could be three months or nine, but please ensure you always choose the right balloon for the right type of party in Brasil.

My cousins are staying with us at the moment, and as family is, there is the odd practical joke or two amongst the cousins. My dad found himself the target tonight, under attack from multiple sources.

Firstly, he made the mistake of coercing my younger sisters and cousin to make him a cup of tea while he was watching the football... what they brought him was a combination of tea, instant coffee, hot chocolate and decaf coffee... My dad doesn't have the sharpest of cullinary senses, so he drank it knowing they did something, but not really caring enough about the taste to ask for a different cup.

Secondly, he made the mistake of asking for a second cup... so on my advice, my mother and cousins put brown vinegar in his tea... which made the milk curdle and go lumpy. Which really didn't matter too much because dad was sitting in a dark room watching the football.

My cousing presents the vinegar tea, and dad nearly drinks it, but sniffs it at the last minute, and nearly throws up. The kids burst into hysterics, my aunty laughs and my dad scowls...

After it all dies down, I stick my head into the loungeroom...

"Hey Dad"

"It was mums idea. You will just have to work quickly tomorrow... work in 15 minute segments... work on the runs - I mean run."

Then I left... to hear them all laughing, and seeing my dads worried expression was awesome. Knowing that he thought he was going to spend the day at work tomorrow trying not to soil his own pants in his bosses office... priceless.

There are some things money can't buy... for everything else, there is Epsom salts.