What a disappointing news article (and potentially a disappointing blog post). Here I was thinking I was going to read something strange, something unique and bizarre, as I sat here waiting for the page to load I thought I was about to read about the death of someone stupid. But alas, truth is never as strange as fiction, and as I read the news.com.au article titled "Man dies in crocodile orgy" I have to say I nearly lost faith in our news services...

Here I was expecting a sordid and somewhat painful tale packed full of men, half-full bathtubs, thrashing scaly limbs and mouthfuls of flesh and teeth, an ultimate crime of passion. Part of me expected to read a tale of revenge, where a once jilted crocodile lover dished out retribution by the mouthful.

But no. News.com.au, you misled me.

After such a seedy title, the best you give us is "AMOROUS crocodiles are causing so much havoc to a Papua New Guinean coastal community that authorities have ordered a cull." - Seriously, what is that? I have seen old people living in nursing homes more sleazy than that...

There was no scaly manic crocodile orgy. What there was, was a report about a man dying because a crocodile got territorial during mating season. Since when is that news? Every spring the entire Australian population turns to making protective ice-cream bucket hats to protect them from swooping magpies. Did I make the news when my ear was pecked by a magpie on the way to school? Did I make front page of news.com.au for fighting it off with a maths book and surviving? No. I'm a survivor and I WANT MY RECOGNITION!

News article, you are worthless to me now. What happened between us, was no more than a magpie swoop, albeit with more teeth... and a little more blood and death. I am disappointed news article. It reminds me of the time I found out the girl I liked happen to like girls a little more than guys, but even that was more sultry than you.

News article, you are hereby banished to my firefox browser history. And even then, I may just delete you because you anger me... oh you anger me so.