Dear Santa,

I think you need to see a doctor about your big wobbly tummy, which may be due to either your excessive eating or alcoholic binge drinking. You may have some serious health issues that urgently need attention. Perhaps next year you should consider giving yourself a treadmill and a detox diet book.

Much love,
Little Timmy

P.S. You need to cut back on the pre-shopping centre drinks. Mummy says I got drunk just from sitting on your lap and getting high off the whiskey fumes. Of course, I don't remember much of the shopping trip after getting my photo taken. And your elves looked hot.