Christmas is coming soon, too soon in fact. Christmas is next month, and if that doesn't put it into perspective, perhaps you should start to think of Christmas as being only 'three paydays away'. Seriously, if you are going to buy your family all those crappy presents that are either broken or thrown out by January, you should seriously start saving now by cutting out a few happy meals and putting those $2 coins into your piggybank.

Christmas shopping can be pretty harsh at the best of times with all the crowds, lack of parking spaces, crazy women and tantrum throwing men. Buying crappy and creepy presents is actually a lot harder than it looks, and I know this might be news to all of you who regularly shop at 'hot dollar', but buying decent and thoughtful presents that your loved ones may actually like is even harder. Yeah, surprising I know. So here is the first in a list of presents that I will be mentioning on LOS in the coming weeks that you should perhaps avoid this Christmas season. So seeing as though Christmas is a bible based holiday season, I think we should start with a gift from the bible that really rocked someones world.

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife. - 1 Samuel 18:25-27

Now all you single guys out there aspiring to win over the woman of your dreams, and their shotgun wielding fathers, please refrain from giving that kind of gift. I mean, unless you intend on giving your gift in a series of plastic bags (which isn't a good look - trust me) the logistics of transporting around 200 foreskins is just out of this world.

If you do choose to give that gift, make sure you have plenty of rubber gloves on hand, and maybe even a few of those robotic claws to pick the foreskins up off the ground after your future father in law has dropped it on the ground out of his shock and excitement.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to put a bow around the box when you present the gift. Better still, make it a kinda 'jack in the box' thing, so when the future father in law opens the box he will be totally stoked that a foreskin just eagerly launched out of the box towards his face faster than Hugh Hefner can say "Viagra please!"

And did anyone else notice how Saul asked for 100 foreskins... and David went out and collected 200. I guess when you are really having fun, I mean really having fun, I just kinda turns into a Pringles event... "Once you pop you just can't stop!".