I'm a contemptible chap at times. Not that I intentionally mean to be, but I have this habit of offending people soon after meeting them. By 'soon', I often mean something like 'in the first moments of our first conversations'. Often these people I meet tend to like me, or at least think neutral of me by the end of the conversation, but realistically after the first few minutes, they do believe I am very rude and crazy.

It is a hobby of mine.

Take the case of one individual we shall call... uh... 'Siam', which is not her real name. We had never really spoken, but we had seen one another around on a number of occasions. In our first real conversation, I may have actually told her that her haircut made her look like 'Betty Boop'. Now, I'm not normally one to talk down a female's appearance, and in my defence, I believe she started trading insults first. So right here, I am putting it out to the public to decide. Does she look like a cartoon character? I think the answer is yes. In fact, more like a big 'Hell Yes'.

In our second or third conversation, this individual 'Siam', began to tell me a story about how she drove her car into a wall. The conversation went something like this...

"I crashed my car into a wall..."

"Just bumped it?"

"Haha it wasn't a bump, I drove straight into it. My car went vertical as I drove up the car stopper."

"You drop UP the car stopper? You must have been going pretty quickly..."

"Its a V6, it just takes off fast."

I'm not sure a Magna takes off fast... but anyways...

"Did you hit the wrong pedal?"

"No, I just thought I was in reverse, then when I took of... well I wasn't."

"You didn't check to see what gear you were in?"

"It was because i was constantly changing as i had to straighten up to get out of the tight parking spot. So I lost track of where i was up to..."

"Um... usually its a case of 'Last time I went forward, so this time I'm going backwards' right?"

"Oh, shut up, you are mentally superior to me" ***

So 'Siam' was driving and got confused. There were only two directions to go, either forward or backwards, and she somehow got confused and got it wrong, and managed to bounce the car vertically over a concrete barrier, smashing the car into a wall. Not a little pole, or a small fence or barrier that is hard to see - she drove straight into a big hard solid wall. Which is understandable I guess at the end of the day...

...because despite the fact they can be run over, hit with falling anvils, shot, cut in half and still re-inflate, refresh and reattach themselves, cartoon characters just shouldn't drive cars.

***May not have been actual response.