First of all, let me begin by wishing Roz a happy birthday, and I promise that those little baby photos of you that were shown at your party -the ones where you look like the love child of an unholy union between a troll doll and the marshmellow man, with your marshmellow thighs and what can only be described as a 'tuft' of dark black hair pointing to heaven- will never ever make it to the world wide web. No one outside your birthday party will ever see (for example) the image of you as a baby in a tiny nappy, struggling to stand under your own body mass on a bed. I promise. No one will ever see pics like that, at least not on this website. We are far too highbrow and mature to do stupid stunts to people like that. I promise.

So let us move on shall we?

I like to think that I am a pretty tough character, and that very little scares me. I'm not saying the previous statement is actually true, or that things don't scare me. All I am saying is that I like to think that I am pretty tough.

But there are a number of things in life that scare me. Snakes don't, but spiders do. I mean, you see a snake sliding towards you, someone shouts 'look out its a snake', and you all move out of the way. Spiders, well that is a whole different story. No one sees a spider coming towards them. No one shouts 'look out, there's a spider coming right for us!'. No, they just scream and jump and run off without explanation. The spider that caused all the fuss in the first place disappears using its super ninja skills and you spend the night wide awake, unable to sleep because every time the hairs stand up on your arm, or the pillow case brushes your ear, you are terrified it will be that damn spider.

In life there are a few phrases that strike fear and terror into the hearts and minds of those unfortunate enough to hear them. Phrases like "Excuse me sir, may I see your licence please? Are you aware that speeding is a federal offence?", and "Yeah, this might be a little uncomfortable, please just stand with your hands on the wall and spread your legs please".

You could probably add phrases like "hmm, no I don't think that rash is contagious..." and "Don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure that she/it was a girl" to that list as well. But I'd like to nominate a new phrase to add to the list of 'fear causing things'.

"Hey, I know... lets all do Karaoke!"

What started out as a lovely evening garden party for Roz quickly descended into a quagmire of poor vocals, poor lyrics and even poorer song choices. Of course, I must admit from the outset that singing in front of people is one of my greatest fears. I used to sing on special occasions, even singing with a male quartet for one special show, but now... never. I also don't dance. So don't ever ask.

Lets be honest though, Karaoke brings out the true character of a person faster than a psychologist or excessive alcohol consumption ever could. And all sorts were represented at Roz's birthday party. The quiet ones that avoided the microphone like the plague, those mischievious ones who deliberately kept picking horrible songs to make others sing, those who just like to 'get things done' in a hurry, who would always press the fast forward button mid song to get to the score at the end, those jokers who deliberately sing to sound bad and make others laugh, and then there is the final type of Karaoke singer... the worst kind...

...they who 'take karaoke too seriously'. Karaoke isn't an Australian idol competition. There is no need for massive vocals and equally massive dance routines. But there are always some who persist and try so hard to nail the melody and attempt to sound perfect doing it. You steal their microphone and they will punch you in the throat. The microphone is their friend, they cling to it like a life-line. Sometimes they can pull it off, like Alex and co at Roz's party... who tried hard because they can sing well. Sometimes they don't, like the 45 year old Chinese man at the restaurant, who was paid to sing Karaoke to the diners. He sucked. In either case, it can be painful to watch....

...but to be totally honest, in the case of Alex, Nathanial and that other guy who I don't remember the name off, it was just damn hillarious. Choreography, loud noise / vocals, and most importantly, the constipated facial expressions. These guys are naturals.

**updated**

...and the chipmonk version, which came from Roz's phone. For some reason the sound plays two times as fast as the video itself. Means it all sounds chipmunky, but you still see theif facial expressions. You love it.