Marisa I really don't know what to write here. But I will guess I will just start by saying how much it hurts that you are gone, and I don't know why.

Knowing that you were in a coma in hospital in another country was hard enough, and shocked me too the core. But hearing that you have passed on, and are never coming home again is harder than I ever imagined. Each time my phone rings or receives a message I half expect it to be something from you... a "Hey Woomie whats up!" or "When are we doing not-coffee again?". But as the realisation sets in I realise that I will never see you again.

I will never walk into Starbucks or Giordano and see your smiling face again. There will be no more impromptu hugging lessons, where you make me hug you repeatedly until I get it right. You knew I wasn't the most affectionate person, yet you forced me to hug time and time again anyway. I will miss that.

I will miss our 'not-coffee' catch ups. I will miss being called into Hornsby to deliver you a boost juice to you while you worked in Giordano, because you couldn't leave the store to walk the 20 metres to the boost bar. I will miss you offering to make me grilled cheese on toast and then burning the cheese... badly. I will miss your calls late at night asking for advice, or needing someone to talk to or cry with to work things through, even if that meant I couldn't function the next day.

I will miss you punching my arm, stomach, leg or whatever was closest. I will also miss the way you reminded me that you were tough and did kendo and fought with swords straight after you hit me each time. I miss the way you always called me the 'older brother you never had', and even though I am sure you said the same thing to other people too, it still meant a lot to me.

I don't ever remember being this upset by losing anyone before. The death of my grandparents, friends and even childhood pets don't even come close to this. You saw through me from our first shifts at After School Care, when we sent the children back and forth, using them as our little 'armies' or 'evil minions' to attack one another. I miss you forcing me to cut or trim your hair, against all my protests.

You didn't just see through me, you saw me better than anyone I have ever known, you knew the real me better than anyone else alive. You were the crazy and wild version of me, and the world is a colder place without you.

Today was hard, I caught myself talking to you on the stairs in the fire escape at work, even though I was all alone. I can't speak or think about you without choking up, and now that you are gone there are a few things I want you to know.

I was so excited about you returning from your trip overseas that I organised to take the day off work when you returned just incase you decided you wanted to meet up for a 'not-coffee' to tell me about your adventures... but you never came home.

When you were sick I messaged a heap of the praying people I knew from church, hoping that you would pull through.

I honestly wish I had made the time to call and leave you a message while you were in hospital sick, even though you wouldn't have been able to respond. The last Friday before your passing I really meant to call, but I guess I let other things get in the way. You know that I'm sorry, and I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I wish I knew the day before you left was the last time we would hug, because I would have put more effort in, I wish I knew your emails from Asia were your last because I would have sent more than five line replies, and I wish that I knew it would be the last time I saw your face on the webcam in that little South East Asian internet cafe, I would have treasured making you laugh, and been a little less distracted.

Anyways, I guess I will see you at your funeral, but I don't know if I will ever be able to really say goodbye. You were my closest friend.

I miss you. You are Loved.
Will.

P.S. Although I really didn't like you always religiously and regularly asking for big brother updates while you were away (I don't think I ever actually passed on news from the house while you were holidaying) I'll fill you in because I guess you passed away a few hours before the announcement was made, and so you weren't around for the finale... Alisha won.