A while back, I got a parking ticket for apparently parking too close to the intersection created between Anderson St and Laneway W45 in Chatswood. $175 for parking too close to what appeared to be a driveway... You see, my issue was that the laneway was entered via a connected driveway which crossed a level footpath.

To cut it short (Because the poem I wrote about it is very long) I challenged the ticket in the courts, and had the judge and police prosecutor confused, in my attempt to stick it to the man. Did I win against the b*stard parking ranger?? Well, you will have to read on and find out.

the ticket on the intersection

Folks Roll up! Roll up! Get your tickets here!
To Wills legal circus clown show of the year.
So come with me now, to Downing St we go,
You know, I'm the star in this legal clown show.

My ticket and files safely tucked at my hip,
with my photos, my pen and court attendance slip.
So off into the courtroom I went to stop
This evil mongrel traffic cop.

This parking ranger had booked me real good,
Not liking where my car had once stood.
One seventy five dollars was the fine
"Parked on intersection", the apparent crime.

One seventy five! Oh No way - No how!
I am not a fat cashed up money cow.
So in to the Downing street courts I went,
My anger and frustration now to vent.

From nine until two I had nought to do but wait,
To see the grey haired black gowned magistrate.
Finally my turn came to step up to the plate
"So how do you plead?", asked the old magistrate.

I'm not guilty! Not guilty was the rally cry...
Not guilty!! Not guilty!! Till the day that I die!
The magistrate spoke: "No not guilty you cry,
But now I must ask you to please explain why?"

Too close to the intersection did your car not stand?
Or perhaps the car was driven by some other hands?
It is true, I replied, my car stood in that spot.
But that "intersection", an intersection it is not.

The magistrate smiled, and said "This should be fun".
And the people in court chuckled, they laughed, every one.
The police prosecutor paled, and then rolled his eyes.
Well, weren't they all in for a little surprise.

So my case it began, with the swearing of oaths,
And the breaking of bread, and the sharing of loaves.
Ok, so I may have invented that last little line,
But I felt like some food, and it's my poem, so it's fine.

The trial continued, the police prosecutor got mad.
For it appeared that I was not one to be had.
I would not get tricked by his questioning ways,
Only answering his questions after thought out delays.

And then came my royal flush, Ten to Ace high,
Oh, they all saw it coming like a pig in the sky.
(And for those whom read that line and though "what?"
Pigs are uncommon in skies are they not?)

My Royal Flush? A loophole, hidden in law.
It surprised the Judge, prosector, and cop, got them all.
You see, a driveway and footpath a road do not make,
And that was the ticketing officers mistake.

Without two roads that meet, an intersection have you not,
Just a road and a road, and one great parking spot.
I finished, sat down and felt really proud of myself,
While the police researched the law for themselves.

Confusion on their faces, they searched through their books
To read of this loophole, and to end my smug looks.
But I had done homework, and eventually could see,
Police and council defeated, by little old me.

The judge said "Well I have a decision to make!"
And disappeared to his office to deliberate.
For another ten whole minutes I had nought to do but wait,
to see the grey haired black gowned magistrate.

When he returned, we all stood and we bowed,
But mine was the most nervous face in the crowd.
As the magistrate spoke, the whole courtroom listened,
And the sweat on his brow caught the light and it glistened.

"I have heard both sides in this traffic offence case,
And as this trial proceeded, things fell into place.
I believe that the parking inspector made a mistake,
As the laneway and road not intersection make.

So in the matter of Willoughby council VS Will Dance,
I am rather inclined towards the defendant’s stance,
I can see now in this case there is something amiss,
So without further ado, I declare "CASE DISMISSED!"

You have to be happy with sticking it to the man...
Man = 0. Will = 1.