ALLMIGHTY God knows it was always meant to be an adventure. 2 Guys, a Nissan X-trail 4WD and a beach pass onto a 25km stretch of beach dunes sounds good in theory. The beach was covered in tyre marks from various types of 4WD's, motorbikes and ATV's. The scenery was breathtaking, the weather was nice and cool, and the leather seats comfortable (although my passenger side seat was slightly broken from a previous 'incident').

We had a theory: that "2 guys + 1 4WD x (sand dunes ) = GOOD TIMES." But theories often fail when tested. Think back to when you were 5 and had a theory that you could fly. Sure, it sounded good and reliable, but when you actually jumped off the table, or worse still, your fathers backyard shed to test that same theory things didn't work so well. Your theory tended to end up a pile of skinned knees and torn shirts.

I should have been onto the holes in our beach 4WDing theory as soon as Josh told me about how his boss, a super keen 4WD driver, laughed at the X-trail's off road capabilities, and made the comment "Don't worry, there will be plenty of people there that can tow you out. Just remember to take plenty of water".

But I didn't.

I should have realised how fragile the X-trail was when I leaned on the front panel only to sink towards the engine bay. It was plastic, the kind of flimsy plastic that is used in disposable plates for BBQ's. This 4WD was a 'plastic fantastic'... 4WD's are meant to be tough, strong, durable, and most of all, NOT made of plastic BBQ plates.

The last time I was this disappointed when I discovered something was using a plastic substitute was back in high school when at the tender age of 14 I was informed that Pamela Anderson was packing silicone. When I realised the X-trail was a drivable version of Pamela Anderson I should have been worried about taking it on the sand...

Sure, Pam and the X-trail both get photographed on beaches, and heck, I will go as far as saying they both look like they belong on a beach, but lets face it... after the short bounce along the sand for the cameras both Pam and the X-trail need to hit their respective trailers for a massage and manicure.

We almost died out there. You see, the X-trail is very precious, and after doing no more than around 1km in the sand, the 4WD system throws a massive tantrum and stormed off to the trailer for its massage, leaving the X-trail bogged in the sand, overworked and over heated. Regularly overheated. Regularly bogged.

To make it simple, I devised the following equation.

Sand + 4WD X-trail = Overheated 2WD X-trail = Us stranded.

And while the 4WD system was off enjoying having its nails painted in all sorts of colours while eating assorted imported condiments, we were bogged in the middle of the desert, with nothing but water and dry biscuits to keep us alive. We were stranded for a whole 10 minutes, those biscuits were all that kept me alive. Thank God for Free driver reviver biscuits...

Don't get me wrong, the trip was amazing. The view was spectacular, with endless sand dunes and water. We saw a couple of nice wrecks out there too, so camera phone in hand I decided to post a photo of two of the wrecks we came across. Two pieces of machinery that were no match for the Stockton sand.

Detailed examination of these images will reveal that the first is an old rusted shipwreck, washed up on the shore. The second is the X-trail, sitting up on the top of a dune, bonnet open to let the overheated engine cool... just plain washed up.

Both met their fate by overestimating their capability against the elements, and by severely underestimating the effects and power of sand. Both the ship and the X-trail strayed from their natural environments and paid the ultimate price. The ship left the ocean, and the X-trail left the serenity of the city roads.

Did I mention we got bogged? Like, really bogged. Did I mention to everyone how a certain someone managed to get their x-trail bogged sideways across the only entrance / exit to the beach on a 23km stretch? I'm pretty sure if I have spoken to you about the trip I have mentioned that.

Did I also mention how 6 other 4WD's were stuck because we blocked the pathway, and a rescue 4WD had to come and tow the X-trail out? Yeah, I thought I had.

Did I mention how I had photographs of all these other men tying straps to the X-trail, and digging and pushing it out of the way? And that a certain Joshua P. Hinton deleted these photographs from my phone on the way back because he didn't want me showing the world? Yeah, I did? Well, no need to mention it again I gather.

I did think it was funny though, this little delicate pretend 4WD stuck on a sandy track, surrounded by big muscular 4WD's and their big muscular owners. These overtly man-like blokes probably thought that me and Josh in our little delicate X-trail, our Tshirts with sleeves and our proper enclosed shoes were special 'tennis' friends, and that our other car was a Porsche Boxter.

Ahh... what an adventure. If only we had more Newton metres...