For those that have followed me writing for the past few um, years, will know that I really dislike bogans. And now I'm about to jump right into the thick of it, and announce that I have a soft spot for John Williamson songs. Partially because they remind me of my younger years out west on the farm, partially because they are unique to Australian culture, and partially because it works for this post.

True Blue.

Give it to me straight,
Face to face.
Are you really disappearing?
Just another dying race?
Hey True Blue.

Hey True Blue,
is it me or You?
Is it Mum and Dad?
Is it a cockatoo?
Is it standing by your mate,
when he's in a fight?
Or just vegimite?
True Blue.

Hey True Blue, can you bear the load?
Will you tie it up with wire,
Just to keep the show on the road?
Hey True Blue, Hey True Blue, now be Fair Dinkum

Is your heart still there?
If they sell us out like sponge cake
Do you really care?
Hey True Blue.

Hey True Blue,
is it me or You?
Is it Mum and Dad?
Is it a cockatoo?
Is it standing by your mate,
when he's in a fight?
Or just vegimite?
True Blue.
(Repeat until those men holding beers in their hands and singing loudly cry from the Australianess, or pass out, whichever occurs first)

Those of you that live under a rock will know that these lines were sung at Steve Irwins memorial service, as his croc catching 4WD was packed up and driven out for the last time... A symbolic gesture of Steve finally leaving. It was definitely touching, and just worked so well, because Steve was just SO very very Australian. He was 'True Blue' and Fair Dinkum.

But I was wondering, with the government throwing around ideas that involve new arrivals to the country to promise to adhere to a set of Australian values, what do we look to as a definition of 'Australian Values'. Should they answer textbook questions about our history? Should they be able to name prime ministers in the 50's, or essential dates in our History? No.

As far as I am concerned, John Williamson is the ultimate test of Australianess. With songs like 'True Blue', 'Old man Emu', 'Home among the Gum trees' and 'Hawkesbury river lovin', there is no reason that new arrivals shouldnt have to demonstrate their ability to hold to our values by singing one of these songs, or better still, demonstrate the ability to actually live out these songs. Especially True Blue. The most Australian of all songs.

So I've compiled a list of 10 things that new Australians need to demonstrate within the first six months of arriving, or risk being deported from the song TRUE BLUE.

1) Leave work early. We love apathy.

2) Lie about leaving early, by telling your boss you'll be back soon.

3) Get involved in a bar fight. 'One in, all in'.
But not that crappy homie style 10 on 1 'all in'. In Australia we like fairness, so it HAS to be even numbers. 10 on 10. Recruit bystanders if you have to.

4) Use wire to keep an unsafe, non-roadworthy car on the road. If you can't keep it together, your not using enough wire.

5) Eat a sponge cake. With Vegimite.

6) Tell people you don't like them face to face.

7) Get a pet cockatoo. Teach it to swear at strangers for kicks.

8) Use the phrase 'She'll be right' regularly. Works better in high pressure situations. Better still in potentially dangerous situations, eg 'The boats leaking' 'She'll be right'.

9) Get a ute to help you 'bear the load'. If you can, steal one of those bar cloths with the logo of a well known beer brand on it, and display it on the dash. Its a right of passage.

10) Use the words 'Fair Dinkum' everytime you get asked to do something at work. eg, 'Are you fair Dinkum?'
When they reply 'Yes', go back and start again at point number 1.

Will Out.