September 2006 Archives

So long....

I finished my prac today. And oddly enough, I actually stayed on, doing (a few) extra days of teaching, just because I enjoyed it so much. Really. I did. Apart from the severe sleep shortage, and being awake till 4am the night before teaching because I'm overloaded with uni work, and despite having to deal with yr8 and 9 snots, it was worth it.

Oh, and for the record? My favourite classes were definitely the year 11 ancient history classes. Sure they had some tough competition from some year 10s in the final couple of weeks, but they won back their number 1 position with some.... *amusing* internet antics in the last couple of days.

Out of proffesionalism, I cannot add you to my list of friends, and may not be able to reply to personal messages, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten you. I would tell you all to pay attention and study hard... unfortunately I know you well enough to safely assume that there is more chance of an eskimo invasion than hard study at the moment.

So to all, goodbye, and goodluck.

....and thanks for all the fish

Mr Dance.

So it seems some students of mine have found my account on myspace. My brothers g/f "Miss Laura Barker" has a lot to answer for. Even IF I did laugh at her on her prefect assembly. Treachery afoot.

Considering I only have a grand total of two days to go until I'm finished, I can't say I care too much. Although I will be giving them some pretty strange looks tomorrow at school. Smackdown time.

And more nigel seat for the bad students... and the ones that break my stuff.

I recently had my phone die on me, and now I'm using a crappy backup phone. Sure, its frustrating learning to type sms with a different set up, and not having a colour screen, camera, and all those other cool features that I had on my slide phone, and NOT on the crappy Nokia.

But the worst thing? I've lost my phone numbers. Every number from the past 2 years has disappeared.

So at the minute, I'm sitting at home working on an assignment waiting for someone to drop something off at my house. Funny thing is, I have no idea who I'm expecting to show up, and, more importantly because the psycho dog is loose, whether or not they will be mauled on arrival.

Ehh. Time will tell.

For those that have followed me writing for the past few um, years, will know that I really dislike bogans. And now I'm about to jump right into the thick of it, and announce that I have a soft spot for John Williamson songs. Partially because they remind me of my younger years out west on the farm, partially because they are unique to Australian culture, and partially because it works for this post.

True Blue.

Give it to me straight,
Face to face.
Are you really disappearing?
Just another dying race?
Hey True Blue.

Hey True Blue,
is it me or You?
Is it Mum and Dad?
Is it a cockatoo?
Is it standing by your mate,
when he's in a fight?
Or just vegimite?
True Blue.

Hey True Blue, can you bear the load?
Will you tie it up with wire,
Just to keep the show on the road?
Hey True Blue, Hey True Blue, now be Fair Dinkum

Is your heart still there?
If they sell us out like sponge cake
Do you really care?
Hey True Blue.

Hey True Blue,
is it me or You?
Is it Mum and Dad?
Is it a cockatoo?
Is it standing by your mate,
when he's in a fight?
Or just vegimite?
True Blue.
(Repeat until those men holding beers in their hands and singing loudly cry from the Australianess, or pass out, whichever occurs first)

Those of you that live under a rock will know that these lines were sung at Steve Irwins memorial service, as his croc catching 4WD was packed up and driven out for the last time... A symbolic gesture of Steve finally leaving. It was definitely touching, and just worked so well, because Steve was just SO very very Australian. He was 'True Blue' and Fair Dinkum.

But I was wondering, with the government throwing around ideas that involve new arrivals to the country to promise to adhere to a set of Australian values, what do we look to as a definition of 'Australian Values'. Should they answer textbook questions about our history? Should they be able to name prime ministers in the 50's, or essential dates in our History? No.

As far as I am concerned, John Williamson is the ultimate test of Australianess. With songs like 'True Blue', 'Old man Emu', 'Home among the Gum trees' and 'Hawkesbury river lovin', there is no reason that new arrivals shouldnt have to demonstrate their ability to hold to our values by singing one of these songs, or better still, demonstrate the ability to actually live out these songs. Especially True Blue. The most Australian of all songs.

So I've compiled a list of 10 things that new Australians need to demonstrate within the first six months of arriving, or risk being deported from the song TRUE BLUE.

1) Leave work early. We love apathy.

2) Lie about leaving early, by telling your boss you'll be back soon.

3) Get involved in a bar fight. 'One in, all in'.
But not that crappy homie style 10 on 1 'all in'. In Australia we like fairness, so it HAS to be even numbers. 10 on 10. Recruit bystanders if you have to.

4) Use wire to keep an unsafe, non-roadworthy car on the road. If you can't keep it together, your not using enough wire.

5) Eat a sponge cake. With Vegimite.

6) Tell people you don't like them face to face.

7) Get a pet cockatoo. Teach it to swear at strangers for kicks.

8) Use the phrase 'She'll be right' regularly. Works better in high pressure situations. Better still in potentially dangerous situations, eg 'The boats leaking' 'She'll be right'.

9) Get a ute to help you 'bear the load'. If you can, steal one of those bar cloths with the logo of a well known beer brand on it, and display it on the dash. Its a right of passage.

10) Use the words 'Fair Dinkum' everytime you get asked to do something at work. eg, 'Are you fair Dinkum?'
When they reply 'Yes', go back and start again at point number 1.

Will Out.

Today at school, some girls started a rumour because two teachers, a male and female, happened to walk out of the toilet at the same time... straight into a large group of students.

What were they up to? Well... toilet stuff actually. You see, its a unisex toilet, male and female... side by side.

And it creeps me out.

I was in there one time, washing my hands as an older (and larger) lady teacher walked in... We acknowledged each others presence, I continued washing my hands, and she went into the cubicle, and closed the door. The sound I heard next freaked me out in a gross way. I could hear her peeing. I couldn't eat lunch after that. There are some things people are not meant to hear. And that is one of them.

There is a unisex toilet at school... and I'm just not comfortable with that.

You know you're tight when you buy an $8 toaster from Aldi, and then when it breaks 8 months later, you go rummaging around a big box for the docket to get a refund because it has a 12 month warranty.

Dad. Let it go... its an EIGHT DOLLAR TOASTER.

From CBS 11 News, Dallas:

CBS 11 has news of what could turn out to be one of the biggest discoveries in the history of both archaeology, and Christianity. A group of men, including several north Texans, believes it has found the remains of Noah's Ark, but it's not where most think.

I Love how the article differentiates between the "Group of Men" and "North Texans". I think thats hillarious. Interesting about the Ark thing though...

My phone started beeping this morning at 7:20am. I don't like mornings. Especially when I have been up reading until 4am the night before. Really don't like mornings.

Well, my phone is going off, and its my sister (the one recently married to Brendan). Allow me to give you the sms message she gave me.

I think you will appreciate this... We just got a flat tyre on the main road behind Barker (College), next to the train line. Brendan is wearing nothing but his dressing gown... And is having to changed the wretched tyre on this cold and windy morning :)

BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Just picture this, Brendan outside at 7am in the freezing cold, changing a tyre opposite a high school in nothing but a dressing gown that is flapping around in the windm while my sister messages me and takes photos. I'll do my best to track down a picture for you...

Good times.

There is one thing that I've noticed... You don't want to walk around the corner of a building and bump into someone who has just walked out of the toilet door.

Its just plain akward.

There are four 'constants' in life. The first two are death and taxes. The other two are that on rainy days people love to pack into a shopping centre. Yeap, people certainly love cramming into shopping centres on rainy days. The fourth and final constant is that when people enter shopping centres they leave all sense of decency and manners at the door. Sometimes before the door... sometimes on the street entrance to the carpark.

Today I got beeped by an angry old lady in a car. Beeped. With a Horn. She was angry that I turned a corner in the carpark, and our cars were facing each other, and, after a 30 second mexican standoff (without mexicans) I drove around her. Now, one would naturally assume that I had driven the wrong way down the one way lane, and thus deserved the beep... But no. It was HER driving the wrong way down a one way lane... beeping at any other cars doing the right thing! She was about 5 seconds away from giving me the finger. And I was about 6 seconds away from *accidentally* opening my car door into the side of her lovely new lexus...

Inside the shops there was more push and shove than you'd normally see in a jumping castle, only it was parents and they weren't smiling. Which makes me wonder. Would shopping centres be more nicer places if they were made entirely of one giant jumping castle?

Then there were other random acts of rudeness. A mum, who obviously immigrated to this country and neglected to learn English (who does that?) wanted to buy some gold ribbon in a fabric store. Obviously unable to read the $5 per Metre sign on the ribbon, she wants to buy the whole lot for $5. The lady explains 2 times that the price is PER METRE LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN A FABRIC SHOP.

The non English learner mother makes the woman unroll the whole amount of ribbon, measure it and calculate the cost. Then she just turns around and says "Ok, don't worry about it", grabs her kids and leaves.

After all that ranting... my lesson learned from today?
Some people just need to go beep themselves...

When I grow up I'll start using capitals for titles, wear leather shoes and jeans without rips. I'll also get out of bed before 10am, work harder, and spend less time watching family guy. Maybe.

But enough about that. I'm sitting here at midnight, with a chicken and corn cuppa-soup watching the prime minister answering questions in the house of representatives.

Such is the lows that television has stooped. Stupid game show programs with dim witted and big breasted females staring blankly into the camera. You can almost hear the wind blowing through their skull.

On the other hand, you have the male hosts, that try to make up for their lack of cleavage by overcompensating, and turning their charm and sleaze dial to 11.

What is wrong with re-runs of seinfeld, or some bad 70's drama? Television. If watching too much of it doesn't kill you, watching too much of those gameshows will make you kill yourself.

eek.

It's all so so true. As a teacher, I need to be able to do this kind of stuff at school. Most ADHD cases are simply parents looking to shift the blame for bad parenting.

So its been a week without lifeofsuch.com activity. NOT!

Speaking of drugs, my last post got molested with 6 spam comments telling me to buy some kind of tylenol drug or something. Hey, no erectile disfunction here... so stop spamming!! Freaking bots.

Speaking of the drug dealing neighbors, there has been very little activity to report. Well, just one thing. About 4 nights ago I parked my car on the street out the front of their house, and some lady came out and looked at me, checked me out, and then went back inside. Do I need to mention it was nearly midnight? Who on earth walks out of their house to check on cars at that time of night that ISN'T involved in drug dealing?? huh? huh? They did the same thing to Lou too, except they just stood there staring at her. Freaks.

As for the sore feet and durex in the title, they both stem from last saturdays bucks day. I managed to run over my own foot with my own grasskart (not sure how that happens) and then right at the end of the day I crashed so badly I was thrown forward 5 metres from my kart. I landed on tyres. Good times. Oh, and the durex? Well, lets just say there were lots of 'special' latex balloons floating around that day.

AHA! Boys are so childish.