Last Saturday I was *told* to attend the 21st birthday party of a girl that I used to know when I was a child. Its a long story, but I havent seen her in 8 years, hardly knew her, but I decided to go anyway.

See that line above there? The one that said "I decided to go anyway"?? That a big mistake.

There were bogans everywhere. I ended up in a conversation with someone we used to know called 'Goofy' who now sported a massive Irish/Islamic beard and through the course of conversation he asked me to define the word 'BOGAN'.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not always as rude as a streaking grandmother, and so I decided to choose my words carefully and NOT give an example of 'boganism' from the numerous examples around me...

My thought pattern went a little like this...

A BOGAN IS SOMEONE THAT...
...allows their child to wear lastweeks dirty tracksuit to a 21st party (CANT USE THAT)

...drinks beer in the street (CANT USE THAT)

...fails to wash before coming to said birthday party (CANT USE THAT)

...just fails to wash (CANT USE THAT)

...is stupid enough to let their 6 year old child to lock them out of the car (CANT USE THAT)

...gets same 6 year old child to hold their whiskey & coke while they pull their own pants up (CANT USE THAT)

...swears at their 6 year old child, calling them a f*cking a**hole when the kid locks them out of the car AGAIN (CANT USE THAT)

...someone who reduces child to tears by *calling the police* and telling their child that they are going to jail (CANT USE THAT)

...someone who plays sports holding a beer and a ciggarette (CANT USE THAT)

...someone who sceams in rather colourful terms at passing traffic (CANT USE THAT)

...someone who brags about bashing kids, binding them to trees and setting off explosives at their feet, and laughing as their glasses are blown off their face (CANT USE THAT)

...being female and loosing a tooth in a barfight (CANT USE THAT)

...using the phrase "I got good work now" followed by the term "dishpig" (CANT USE THAT)

As you can see... I had a hard time defining 'Bogan'. I just sat there looking around me, stunned, and horrified. I was afraid. Very afraid. He didnt get his definition.

He did on the other hand explain that his beard was 'beacause he got involved with Islam', and also was kind enough to explain that I was considered an Infidel. This was a big moment for me... I've been called lots of things in my life, but this was the first time I was ever called an infidel. Good times.

Oh, and those drug dealers across the street... the lights were not on in their ceiling cavity for the first time in 3 days. I'll keep the information coming!!

Right now, after all this bogan talk I think I need a shower... it makes me feel so... so dirty!