June 2006 Archives
This post has been a few months in the making. My mate Josh and I, have had a slow ongoing habit of causing trouble for each other, teasing each other, and playing practical jokes on each other. Its a guy thing.
Many of you might remember the last time I pranked Josh, his undies ended up frozen in a milkshake container in the freezer. Unfortunately his parents came and visited his house before Josh and his wife got home from their holiday, and saw the metal container of frozen water, and took it out "because metal looses its shape in the freezer". All Josh ended up finding was a metal cup over some wet undies in his sink.
But Alas, my hand has been forced again. This past Saturday night, while the girls were at a Hens night, Josh and I went into North Sydney to a pub for dinner. On the way he told me that my girlfriends birthday was comming up this Monday the 26th of June. I freaked. I knew it was on the 26th, but I thought that it was July. I spent the whole night worried, because I now only had 2 days to find and buy a present. To make it worse, he said Fi (his calendar wife) had told him that Lou's birthday was this Monday, and who can argue with the mental calendar of a wife? And it her birthday WAS this Monday, why hadn't she said anything? Was she testing me? Seeing if I remember important dates?
This could have been the biggest test of the relationship to date. So I was understandibly worried.
Turns out I was right, And Josh was deliberately messing with my now worried and panic-striken mind. And may I also say, he enjoyed messing with my mind.
So I now present 'Just add water - part two'.
Step one, take a water bottle, (in this case Mt Franklin) and fill it with water. Take the spray top off a windex container and wash it. (We dont want to freeze windex now do we? The post isnt called 'just add windex' is it?)
Then take a large pair of undies. The bigger the better. In this case, it was an XXL pair from Lowes in Hornsby. It also helps to write the victims name on the undies, to denote ownership of the massive undies.
Step two involves laying the undies down on a flat surface in the freezer. Something preferably water-proof. (As an added note, it helps to soak the undies in water first, before laying them down in the freezer).
When the undies have frozen a little bit, take the spray bottle, and give them a little spray every 40 minutes or so. I find spraying is best, because you dont want to undo all that freezing action thats been going on. You are just trying to add water, a little at a time to freeze. If you do soak it all the time, the water runs everywhere, and freezes everything else in the freezer together. A fun prank on its own, but it doesn't help with our objective.
Step 3. After a few hours of spray-freezing, take pictures of the undies in their frozen state in front of a large mirror.
This way, if the undies victim say, fools you into a night of panic by saying your girlfriends birthday is a month earlier than it really is, you have some stupid prank to post on the internet.
Continuing the theme of 'strange religious things' from the past few weeks, I thought I would include these cute, and strangely disturbing Jesus ornaments. Jesus 'playing sports' with kids. Sure, a nice thought having Jesus helping you ride a bike I guess for a pure minded child. Cause Jesus can do totally kick-ass backflips and supermans off bike jumps. BUT when I look at them, my twisted mind sees something else.
Jesus watching two kids fight? Wouldnt he totally break it up, and bust on those kids?? Perhaps not...
Timmy - "Janet, stop hitting me!! Your mean"
Janet - "I'll stop hitting when you give my diary back... Timmy GIVE IT BACK.... or I'll tell MUM"
Jesus - "Timmy, are you gonna take that?? You dont want to lose to a girl do you?? Come one Timmy, Kick her ass!"
And then this?
Rebecca - "Jesus, when will I get famous? When Jesus??"
Jane - "Jesus, Can't I go and play with my friends now??"
Jesus - "BOTH YOU KIDS BETTER SHUT UP AND STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. YOU WON'T BE GOING ANYWHERE UNTILL YOU LEARN HOW TO STEP-KICK-STEP-SLIDE AND TWIRL LIKE THAT GIRL WHO BEAT YOU LAST TIME. IM NOT SPENDING $50 PER LESSON TO HAVE YOU BEATEN BY THAT HUSSY. AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS IF YOU LOSE ANOTHER CONTEST! TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT THEM..."
Jesus is totally like the pushy sports parents.
Lastly, I must say a big thanks to Sharna for finding these pics. I cant remember where they are from, but If you can find them again Sharna, feel free to post a little link on the side of the page.
I've had a few interesting conversations with my girlfriend (Lou) lately. Very interesting. And disturbing. The kind that make you sit back, stare them straight in the eye, and ask yourself, whaaat? Why am I with you again? Are you feeling Ok sweety??
Included are two conversations for your enjoyment.
Conversation one...
Me - "Do you know what? If I was any cartoon character, I think I'd be Peter Griffen... yeah... I see some similarities there."
Lou - "Peter Griffen...nooo dont liken yourself to him"
Me - "But I like him"
Lou - "I like Lichens... you know those little fruit things. Yeah - Them"
Me - ".............What??"
At this point I would like to point out two things. Firstly, what kind of jump in conversation is THAT? And secondly, they are Lichies, not lichens.
Conversation two...
Im not sure how the subject of camels and their humps came up, but all of a sudden Lou starts singing this song to the tune of 'Dry bones dry bones' (You know.... the shin bones connected to the - knee bone)
Introducing Lou's song.
Alice the camel had, no humps.
Alice the camel had, no humps.
Alice the camel had, no humps.
CAUSE ALICE WAS A HORSE!!
Methinks someone needs to cut back on the energy drinks.
Its time to just come out about this whole Leeroy thing. Most of you know 'Leeroy' from a few earlier entries I've written... most likely this one...
Leeroys real name is Ben. He is the most annoying nerd you will EVER encounter... by the end of the semester, the whole class would groan everytime he opens his overly opinionated mouth.
According to my understanding, given its the begining of holidays, and all the uni students are venting the stress that has accumulated over the past few months, I feel it is the right time to explain the Leeroy saga.
Perhaps you should google the name 'Leeroy Jenkins' and view the Worlds of Warcraft video that is now synonymous with the concept of jumping in without listening, on your own, disregarding the thoughts of those around you, and in the end, getting your friends killed, and very pissed off at you. Very. You can see the video here.
These early drawings are from my class book from VERY early on in the semester. We picked Ben as a nerd. In fact, as the drawings prove... he is an Ubernerd, and undoubtedly heavily involved in Worlds of Warcraft (not that there is anything wrong with that Josh).
Now... I can handle nerds. But nerds are regularly seen, and not heard, because they are too busy reading fantasy novels, and programing hacks to get more money in WOW. But Leeroy was a new breed. A nerd unafraid to speak his mind. And when he spoke more than the class collectively, then we have a problem.
'Fantastic Four' (thats the table I sit on with 3 other people. I just made the name up then) started a system in class, whereby every time Leeroy interjected into classroom debate, he got a strike against his name in the above table. Everytime someone else from the class interjected, a strike was placed in the class column. Leeroys female equivalent "Sheeroy" is also included on the table.
As you can see, from 2 hours of class, Leeroy beat the class comments by 3 interjections. Sheeroy didnt do too badly either, but was in no way built to challenge Leeroy. Please keep in mind, that Leeroy single handedly beat a class of 20 students in the comments race.
THUS CAMETH the last day of semester... and we had a party with cake and fairy bread. I dont know who made the fairy bread... but I dont think they owned up to it. I wouldn't either. While everyone is eating and bludging, and enjoying NOT DOING ANYTHING TEACHING OR LEARNING RELATED, Leeroy takes it apon himself to write a website address on the board, and to interupt our party to address the class about the importance of visiting this site that has absolutely NO BEARING ON THE FAIRY BREAD WHATSOEVER.
Me, in my infinite not-caring-about-Leeroy-ness, suggested we should write the website www.leeroyjenkins.com on the board under his website. I didn't think it would happen, but Steve jumped in, took up the challenge, and wrote the website WHILE LEEROY was standing looking on. In fact, Leeroy even asked Steve if it was a serious site. Obviously Steve replied 'Yes'.
Much to the amusement (and bemusement) of the class, Leeroy continued his rant about his website, as I took happy snaps with my phone. I dont think he got the joke, but Im sure a few of the class did. In some of the pics, it almost looks like he is actually pointing at the LeeroyJenkins.com website.
So Leeroy, if you ever DO come across this site, and learn to listen to someone elses opinion for once. Here it is.
SHUT.UP.NOW.
Will out.
I was bludging today, and came across this (something I found a long time ago) and thought I would continue the strange religious spiritual theme that I began with the dashboard Jesus doll the other day. So here it is. I bring you, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of a parody religion founded by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design creationism as an "alternative" to biological evolution. In an open letter on his website, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural Creator entity that resembles spaghetti and meatballs, called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and calls for FSMism to be taught in science classrooms, essentially arguing a 'reductio ad absurdum' against the teaching of Intelligent Design. They also believe that Pirates are divine beings.
The followers of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) call themselves Pastafarians, a play on Rastafarians.
