January 2006 Archives

Have you ever walked in on your parents... you know... *doing it*? Did it scar you? For life? Did you run downstairs and hide in a pile of clothes for 30 mins like I did? Do you take a deep breath before entering their room, even if you know that no-one is home?

Well how about THIS one... My girlfriend (weisa) walked in on her elderly grandfather on the toilet today. I asked her if she saw his 'wrinkly bits'.

Henceforth, the act of walking in on an older person in the bathroom show be known as a 'wrinkle tinkle'.

NOTE: This is the same grandfather who leaves his false teeth in the bathroom. I go to wash my hands... and oh lordy, just a set of chompers sitting in the bottom of the basin next to the drain. Apparently they were there for some time too... about 3 days. He just 'forgot' where he left them.





I have a questions. How and what did he eat in those 3 days? Milk and soup? Perhaps he survived by licking the slime that grows in the shower? Hey... Lisa simpson can do it...






And another thing... have you noticed something about those pics? Does the extreme soap collection seem a little excessive to you? Yes? Da? Hai? There are 7 little second-hand anaemic soaps, and one big muscle building soap... not including the bottle of soap next to the basin. Why so many soaps? Is it to do with a hygene obsession? Or is it because older people tend to lose little soaps in crevasses and giant skin wrinkles? You decide.

Just a side note...

Ive added a few more images to the 'design' section of the site. Included is a new tshirt 'wings of peace' that will be made soon, as well as some tshirts I designed for 'iteams' - an international missionary organisation. They chose the 'tree' design. You will know it when you see it.

AND, the new nineteensix.com is not far away at all. It will have more than one author too. Keep an eye out for it.

Those of you that have heard about my drama with the monkeys at BP may be aware that I now have a NEW job for the year. Gone are the lazy apes, incompetant gorilla's and stinky chimps from BP.

I now work for rebel sport in chatswood.

Apparently they had over 100 applications come in, I was invited to, and made it through both stages of a group interview, and at my final interview, I was offered the job on the spot. No call back or anything. SWEET. It just goes to show, that sometimes you really CAN get by 100 others based soley on your skills and merit as a worker.

Other times it helps that your girlfriend worked there and knows all the managers. THANKS WEISA! THANKS!

I was reading my mates livejournal fully originally designed blog... and saw 2 stories worth stealing. You can read his stuff here.

STORY ONE
"On my way back from lunch I saw this couple making out, they were fully into it. I thought I recognised one of them as this girl I know and was about about to walk up to them and say "Cut it out you two!" This would have been really inappropriate seeing as that when they stopped kissing I realised I knew niether of them... and they were both dudes."

Will>> In the words of chicken little... 'SNAP!'

STORY TWO
"Then I get back to the office and start working when one of the girls shares her story. She was walking down George St (one of the main ones in Sydney) where she saw a homeless guy laying on the footpath in his sleeping bag. She felt sorry for the man as he was shivering even though the day wasnt that cold. Well long story short. He wasn't shivering."

Think about it peoples.... There just aren't enough 'SNAP!s' for that story. ewww. If anyone else has some 'SNAP' stories they wish to share... just let me know.

We said goodbye to a valued family friend yesterday. He had been with us for over 24 years, and every child in the family spent many nights with him. We had held onto him when we were first learning to stand, We had all slept soundly, kept safe in his warmth and comfort, all had screamed and kicked him in our frustrations...

Yes, yesterday we finally got rid of the family cot. After 6 kids, 25 years, countless nights, dirty sheets and ugly teddybears later, the cot is being passed on to another family, expecting their first child.

My mother made a big deal out of it, and wanted to get everyone to have their photo taken next to it, something that was quite impossible for me. Not because I was away, not because I was too big, but because I was cooking bacon and eggs, and was too interested in food to really care.

It was a MASSIVE deal to my little 4yo sister, who was so upset that someone was stealing HER cot. I mean, how dare they! She didnt have a tantrum or anything, she just had that look. You know the one where the eyes fill with tears, and go a little red, and the child walks around slowly with their head down? That look, the one that can kill baby foxes instantly...

Just as Dad was starting to pull it apart, she heard Mum talking about getting a photo... so she went to her special hiding place, and pulled out an old digital polaroid camera she has been using to take pictures, and looked at me with the baby fox slaying eyes, and said "I'd better take a picture before it goes".

Her pictures, all blurry, of white rails and pink mattress, were safely stored in her little camera. And she goes back every now and again to look at them, and to remember her 'beautiful littl cot'. Her camera, her little photobox of memories of a quickly passing childhood.

This little boy-child marched up to me today at vacation care, big yellow rubber ball in his hands, looks me square in the eye...

'That girls stupid you know...'
'really? Why?'
'she doesn't know what a bechina is...'
'a what?'
'a BECHINA.... you know, a girls thing.'
'oh'
'She thinks I have bechina, and that SHE has a dick.'
*Will laughs*

Seriously though... it gets worse. I told my mum the story, and after she giggled like a drunk santa clause, she sobered up... and spoke... (unfortunately for my mind and mental well being)

'Its funny you know... they always get it wrong'
'What?'
'Its not really a Vagina'
'ooohhh..... Mum. no. I dont want to hear it again.'
'well, but its...'
'Yes mum. Its called a vulva. I know. Stop'
'Well, the part you see is called the vulva... the vagina is the inside... they should call it...'

At this point I was well and truly down the stairs with my hot cup of milo and a sandwich. Mum, I'm sure that the six year old boys are very interested in talking about the specifics of female genitalia. Wait, they are actually MORE interested in hitting each other with sticks and digging up ants just to squash them. Seriously.

EDIT >>>
I just googled the word 'bechina'. Its Jewish. Have a look. I especially like the part where it says 'Most of the Bechinah is given orally'. HAHA

And there ARE reasons for that.

3 Days out from Christmas, my manager (he with intellect and language skills rivalled only by garden tools), he who knew for 6 weeks and 6 days that I was going away on holidays, he who stated 2 weeks out from my trip that it was 'Ok' and that he would see what he could do, he who continuously asked 'have you thought more about your trip?' when I never said I was thinking about it at all. HE waited till the last 2 minutes of my shift, till 3 days out from Christmas to say 'You cant go on holidays'. AND said 'either you resign, or BP makes you go'. Forced out of work, 3 days before Christmas... for going on holidays... forgive me if I sound bitter, but after working for the company for 5 years, you do not expect to be treated like that. So I shall hereby state the following:

BP and 1RQ Riverside Quay is being run by monkeys. Much like the Church of Scientology I suppose. But please forgive the bitterness today. To make matters worse, I got booked by the police for using my phone in the car about 45 mins later. I was on the phone to a mate talking about the monkeys, and if monkeys were allowed to fire me like that. It never rains... and when it does, it rains monkeys.

In other news, the holiday was great. Spearfishing and snorkelling almost everyday. There is seriously a whole new world of creatures under the waves. Highlights? Me not being able to aim the spear gun. Me scouting for sharks every 15 seconds for the first 3 days (Ive seen Jaws, I know what happens) Seeing a massive Ray (of some sort) sitting on the bottom... it was a couple of metres long, and to me, it looked like a shark. SCARY. Seeing eagle/manta rays that were a few metres wide flying around under water. Having a school of squid come check us out and watch us, and definately one of the highlights was the way tiny little fish would swim around you and follow you around for protection. Many times a fluro coloured fish would be buzzing around my head for protection. But seriously, if a shark came, I would totally grab that little fish and throw it as a sacrifice to the shark. Protection shmection. Self preservation rules.

There have been hundreds of storys that I could share, but not only has time run out, Ive also forgotten them all. But in other news, I have been spending a bit of time preparing my old site nineteensix.com for a relaunch. This time, there are NEW writers, about 4 of us so far, and there will be plenty of space for anyone else to write too... so keep your web fingers peeled.

Hope Christmas was great, and that the new year finds you well and healthy. (And not working for a company run by monkeys)

My name is Will... and this is MY story.