December 2005 Archives

I am drying myself with a towel after a shower... only, im drying a little too vigourously, and accidentally punch myself in the nuts.

REALLY stup'd. Since I was a little kid, ive known that those things hurt. I know I have to be gentle with the tackle... but I still manage to cripple myself leaving me naked and reeling infront of the mirror.

Closely related to Stup'd act No 341: Pulling on shorts too quickly, squashing nuts, and rendering myself immobile.

DO NOT mix Demazin 12 hour tablets with Nurofen Plus. Unless you want to lie on your bed sucking on your tongue and enjoying the crazy numbness that engulfs your entire body. You may also have trouble thinking straight, and begin to refer to yourself in the third person.

EDIT>> Do you know how hard it is to write a post when your drugged? On the other hand, It makes you feel wicked good at mario Kart.

Christmas isnt meant to be an un-merry time. It is meant to be a merry time, hence the song. Some old dude wouldnt have written a song called 'We wish you a merry Christmas", if it was an un-merry time. Besides, 'we wish you an un-merry Christmas' wouldnt fit the music.

Last Sunday I went Christmas shopping... Sure, some people might think I've left it a little late, but I should remind you that I regularly leave my Christmas shopping till December 24th, so in my mind, Im a week early.

I have never been more pushed, shoved and bustled around in a shopping complex in my life. Mostly by women who cant drive shopping trolleys. I shall refrain from making the obvious connection between shopping trolley's and cars *cough*. Women shoulder charging is NOT a good look.

My point is, that no-one looks happy at Christmas time, although I looked happy when I saw a Dad, obviously frustrated by his wife and kid, break down and have a temper tantrum in the middle of Westfield, storming off and leaving his wife whining about not being able to slowly peruse another stupid shop.

When I shop, there is never any perusing and fluffing about. Its all military style... quick insertion, hit the target, fast extraction. Thats it. End. I get in, get what I need, get out. But at Christmas, it seems Women turn into bloodsucking vampires, and dads are destined to be dragged around by their toenails, forced to carry over-loaded shopping bags, and enter thousands of shops just to look, even though the female fully knows they will not buy a single thing. Just cruel.

Christmas doesnt seem all that jolly. Or does it? Despite the shoulder-charging customer-shoving people-hitting trolly-smashing father-breaking she-vampires that emerge from their little wooden coffins around Christmas time, there is a good side to the shopping...

Spend a day down at the local centre, and you are destined to see all those friends that live 10mins away from you, but that you never ever see. Friends that used to mean so much, that shared in so many happy memories, but became memories themselves... Christmas shopping is a time to enjoy, wander around, and reconnect with your memories.

Christmas shopping isnt about the presents, the money, the pushing or even the shoving. Its about a chance to see your old friends, get together, and celebrate the value of relationship. Because, at the end of the day, regarldless of what you believe, Christmas is about God sending Jesus so man could have a relationship with him. Its all about relationship.

"How old do you have to be to buy ciggarettes?"

"18"

"I thought it was 16"

"Where did you grow up?.... Penrith??"

I was at work last week, but part way through giving a customer her change, I had a total brain freeze. I ended up staring at this little 8 year old asian girl like a dear in the headlights of a truck. When I snapped back to the conscious world, I couldnt remember how much change to give her... I looked at her and caught her smiling at me.

Not only had she already worked out how much change I owed her, but she had already worked out the cost price and profit margin of the bread... including GST.

Kids are getting WAY smarter.

There has been a move over recent years designed to erode the traditional values of Christmas so as not to offend those that dont partake in Christmas, like Jews, Muslims, or umm... grinches.

I dont believe a tradition should be changed because a minority is offended. I dont believe that traditions should be changed, renamed or scrapped by an uphappy few.

Take Santa for instance. Every year without fail he has delivered me presents, left at the end of my bed. He is always jolly, and has red cheeks, a fat stomach, and bright red nose... all of which can be explained by an excess of alcohol.

But its time for this fat present delivering alcoholic to move on. This year, im voting against Santa, and for Chris Christmas Rodriguez

Stolen from stirman.net.
Check his site, tre cool.

EDIT: For those wallys... click the link that is in blue. Monkeys. Really.

I dont think it would be fun being a Christmas beetle. You hatch from an egg, walk around for a day, and die under the pie warmer, or if you are one of the lucky ones, under the newspaper stands.

The worse fates are reserved for those that mess with cars, ending up smashed as a smudge on a windscreen, or crushed as a white splotch of mangled leg and wing on a driveway.

"Look.... You just cant go away, You cant leave over Christmas"

"Well I am."

"You are?"

"But Ive checked with the area manager, and we cant have one policy for you, and one policy for everyone else - you have to work"

"And........?"

"Your not allowed to go away"

I jump up, and rip my work uniform off revealing my black ninja outfit complete with ninja stars and katana sword and proceed to cut up his computer and desk and even his printer. I make sure I leave a ninja star wedged in the middle of next years calendar before backflipping out of the office, and riding off into the sunset with the slurpee machine...

"Well, the point is... I AM GOING AWAY and wont be here for Christmas or New Years... Thats how it is."

I think he is getting the point.

Galatians 5:12
"I wish that everyone who is upsetting you would not only get
circumcised, but would cut off much more!"

The bible - Slicing and Dicing with Lorena Bobbit since 55AD.