Our new manager has been looking after the store for a week now. A whole week. So its high time I remove his 'settling in' rights, and start writing about him on the site.

Like the other manager, he looks Indian, not unlike the rest of the fuel industry in Australia. We have whole conversations that roll on and on, where I try to explain why I moved the pen from one side of the counter to the other, and he mumbles something about lettuce, and cant understand the word pen. He talks like he is constantly biting the side of his tongue. I dont understand his mouth words, he doesnt understand English. Even.

He is unaware of just HOW much space he is taking up at the one time, and tends to walk into people... usually me. Thats when he isnt sprawled across the console area like the Lord Of The Rings spider so that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE can get to the till, customers, phones or ciggarettes. And, like my last boss, he smells. Seriously. I want to rub tobacco all over him in a non-sexual way just to make him smell a little less like that 'I didnt bath this month but still play contact sport every day' smell.

My first experience with this new guy was a little scary, unexpected and disturbing. I was serving customers at the counter while behind me the old manager was stinking and snorting with the new manager who was biting his tongue and stinking in return. He was also picking his nose in front of customers, but I only found this out later.

How? I turned around and walked into him. I didnt want to touch him, but he was standing RIGHT behind me. Not close like the 'we are stuck on this stupid train together and i'm not trying to touch your boobies' type of close... but the 'hi Im Gary, they let me out this week can I smell your hair?' type of close.

The worst thing was, when I turned around I not only bumped him... (guys touching is not cool... except during sport) but I bumped his picking arm. The one lodged firmly in his nose. By the time I finished my spin and barge, that finger was even MORE firmly jammed in his nostril.

There are certain levels of etiquette that one must have in the workplace. Lets just bypass the obvious 'DONT PICK YOUR FREAKING NOSE IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS'. Because its obvious that the newbie does. Lets move on to 'Dont bump my picking arm'. Cause thats just so darn rude! You dont bump during a pick, you should excuse yourself, and allow them to dig for nuggets until they are satisfied...

So I hearby apologise for turning in a way that would make contact with your picking arm. But if you wernt trying to touch my boobies and smell my hair in that freaky molesting way we wouldnt have this problem.

And now, I leave for counselling.