Pensioners are often viewed as meek and mild knitters, bingo players, and pokie addicts. Add one more title to that list. Menace.

Today in Woolworths I witnessed an old man charging along with a shopping trolley. His little bow-legs had obviously been charged with viagra, cause they were pumping like a hormonally charged 15 year old boy. Problem was, he couldnt control the trolly at high speeds.

He had a kart lock-up, and had to drag his woolen slippered feet for about a metre and a half to stop the kart from smashing into a teenage girl who was kneeling at a shelf... He came within inches to pressing her skull into the stand of oranges.

Then on my way out of Woolworths, I got punched by and old lady looking at flowers. I turned the corner and it was like she was waiting for me, because she just spun around and smacked me straight in the arm.

For those that say life slows down in the pensioner years has it wrong. These freaks break out, and speed up. Problem is, their brown slippers and motor skills just cant keep up.