November 2005 Archives

It all started when I saw my little four year old sister running around in frantic circles in the living room with her little hands over her mouth and her cheeks puffed out like a chubby kid eating birthday cake.

Then it happened. She stopped, looked at me, looked at the floor, and put a little spew on the floor. That wasnt all. She ran into the lounge and put a few more spews around the house.

Since then, my three little sisters have all had the vomiting bug. The next day, my mum and dad shared in the festivities. Its become so bad that my dad took pillows into the bathroom, and slept on the tiled floor next to the toilet for speedy access to the vomit area.

Its affecting my quality of life. I dont eat ANYTHING from the house, in case I catch something in the food. I walk around the house with my t-shirt covering my mouth and nose so I dont catch their SARS-Vomiting bug. The worst thing, is that I have to have my rain cd up really loud and on repeat all night so I dont get woken up in the middle of the night by some member of the family violently emptying their stomach into the bowl in the bathroom above me.

Sheesh...

Pensioners are often viewed as meek and mild knitters, bingo players, and pokie addicts. Add one more title to that list. Menace.

Today in Woolworths I witnessed an old man charging along with a shopping trolley. His little bow-legs had obviously been charged with viagra, cause they were pumping like a hormonally charged 15 year old boy. Problem was, he couldnt control the trolly at high speeds.

He had a kart lock-up, and had to drag his woolen slippered feet for about a metre and a half to stop the kart from smashing into a teenage girl who was kneeling at a shelf... He came within inches to pressing her skull into the stand of oranges.

Then on my way out of Woolworths, I got punched by and old lady looking at flowers. I turned the corner and it was like she was waiting for me, because she just spun around and smacked me straight in the arm.

For those that say life slows down in the pensioner years has it wrong. These freaks break out, and speed up. Problem is, their brown slippers and motor skills just cant keep up.

Sam : Check out this Dido/Enya remix.
Will : Interesting...
Sam : Yeah, Enya does a few of those... she's a Pretty cool DJ.
Will : *coughs* wtf?

As you know my manager is refusing to give me holidays.

We had it out in the office today. He started by listing all the stupid little things that I havent managed to do at work... like moving lollybags, or washing a mirror, initialling a form here, recording a numberplate there. He was nitpicking to get under my skin.

THEN he went off at me and made the comment 'Im used to talking to mature adults, and not having to repeat myself'. I almost grabbed the stapler and attached the word 'LOSER' to his oversised glasses.

After this the feud went OFF. I'll spare you the details... but in case your interested, a few notes for my manager.

1) How dare you call me immature and complain about having to repeat yourself. I had to repeat myself 8 times so you could understand the phrase 'The Milk isnt scanning' and 'That is its barcode'. Learn to speak English Apu.

2) I will not consult with you before I 'Decide to do something outside of work'. It sounds childish... But your not the boss of me! If you look at your 2 week history at work, You will realise that YOU ask ME how to do things. Because you dont know your job.

3) Dont stare at me after saying I cant take time off and wont be re-imbursed for cancelling and expect me to give you a hug.

4) Yes... I WILL be taking holidays 'regardless of the consequences'. Although you dont know it yet. Because you are waiting for me to change my mind... I, on the otherhand are waiting till 2 weeks out from my holiday, when I will quit, leaving you severly understaffed over Christmas and new years.

I have worked every single public holiday in the year without complaint for years, and I want one week off... seriously.

Bring on Round three. Bring it.

Sometimes, when I'm typing up a 3000 word essay on Australian History and the conservative nature of its political development, I like to play a little game of 'paper roulette'.

Instructions:
1) Be typing major essay the night before at 2am.
2) Wait till you have typed around 2400 words...
3) Hit the keys "CTRL-A" and then "DELETE".

Sure, I can hit "CTRL-Z" and get it all back. But it still gets your heart rate up a bit.

Oh yeah.... Living on the edge. Like Britney Spears, but with less chance of getting knocked up by stage dancers...

Im feuding with my new manager at work. After booking and paying for a holiday to the south coast with friends, AND after writing my absence up on the yearly planner, a note appeared on the board. "NO LEAVE TO BE GRANTED TO ANYONE BETWEEN 15TH DEC TO 15TH JAN".

*COUGH*
I think 6 weeks notice is plenty. Especially since I applied BEFORE they came out with the policy. So like I said, me and my manager are feuding. He wont let me have time off, and says its company policy, even though its all paid for with a month and a half notice. He says to work it out.

I'll work him out... with a brick.

Despite popular opinion, Mac's are NOT user friendly. Sure, they might look nice and clean and spiffy, but underneath that ultra-sterilized egg like exterior is naught but pure evil. I had to do a computer skills test for uni today. On a Mac. Sure thing! - Macs are cool... so I thought. Not even close.

That freaking computer froze five times, FIVE TIMES! I had to remake my entire crossword and mail-merge and cloze freaking passage FIVE TIMES! And it wasnt just me either... EVERYONE on the Mac was having these problems... I even had to go so far as to disconnect the powercable to reboot it.

I was so angry. I didnt even finish the test. Not in over an hour did I finish. I have to go back. It didnt help that I only had 4 hours sleep because I was awake till 4am doing an assignment... which I handed in today only to find out that it ISNT DUE TILL DECEMBER 1ST.

And I was in such a hurry that all I had for breakfast was a banana, orange juice, some M&Ms and some water. I didnt eat anything else till after 4pm.

AND THEN I got stuck behind every single retarded driver from Maquarie to Home... People that believe they are descended directly from a line of Roman Kings that exclusively control the right hand lane and reduce the traffic to old lady pace.

But what really ticked me off was the way my own body turned against me. I had this hard piece of snot in my nose bothering me all day... so as I left Uni, I pulled it out and flicked it away... But No. Instead of flicking away, it somehow managed to flick STRAIGHT UP AT MY FACE and stick to my shirt. It took me 3 whole minutes to find it.

Can you feel the veins in my head pumping???
Can you see my eyes twitching???

It was a tough day teaching in Sydneys south-west today. Its hard to teach when there are helicopters buzzing the school, when local roads are closed off, and when people are being shot outside the houses of some students.

Yes. Today was the day of 'anti-terrorist' raids in Wiley Park, which is not far from my school at all. The muslim population as a whole seems a little jittery about the raids. The school kids are jittery. One of the suspected terrorists that shot at police, and who ended up being shot BY police actually lived near students in my class. He was shot streets away from the school...

Not only this, there was a bomb scare in the same area... the shot terrorists backpack. To further add to the drama, an armoured truck in the same area (Green Valley) was the subject of an armed holdup attempt.

Im glad Im finished teaching there. Goodbye Busby. I just hope the rest of the Muslim population in the area has the good sense to avoid riots and trouble that has been plaguing Paris for the past week.

Freakin freakin.

Our new manager has been looking after the store for a week now. A whole week. So its high time I remove his 'settling in' rights, and start writing about him on the site.

Like the other manager, he looks Indian, not unlike the rest of the fuel industry in Australia. We have whole conversations that roll on and on, where I try to explain why I moved the pen from one side of the counter to the other, and he mumbles something about lettuce, and cant understand the word pen. He talks like he is constantly biting the side of his tongue. I dont understand his mouth words, he doesnt understand English. Even.

He is unaware of just HOW much space he is taking up at the one time, and tends to walk into people... usually me. Thats when he isnt sprawled across the console area like the Lord Of The Rings spider so that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE can get to the till, customers, phones or ciggarettes. And, like my last boss, he smells. Seriously. I want to rub tobacco all over him in a non-sexual way just to make him smell a little less like that 'I didnt bath this month but still play contact sport every day' smell.

My first experience with this new guy was a little scary, unexpected and disturbing. I was serving customers at the counter while behind me the old manager was stinking and snorting with the new manager who was biting his tongue and stinking in return. He was also picking his nose in front of customers, but I only found this out later.

How? I turned around and walked into him. I didnt want to touch him, but he was standing RIGHT behind me. Not close like the 'we are stuck on this stupid train together and i'm not trying to touch your boobies' type of close... but the 'hi Im Gary, they let me out this week can I smell your hair?' type of close.

The worst thing was, when I turned around I not only bumped him... (guys touching is not cool... except during sport) but I bumped his picking arm. The one lodged firmly in his nose. By the time I finished my spin and barge, that finger was even MORE firmly jammed in his nostril.

There are certain levels of etiquette that one must have in the workplace. Lets just bypass the obvious 'DONT PICK YOUR FREAKING NOSE IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS'. Because its obvious that the newbie does. Lets move on to 'Dont bump my picking arm'. Cause thats just so darn rude! You dont bump during a pick, you should excuse yourself, and allow them to dig for nuggets until they are satisfied...

So I hearby apologise for turning in a way that would make contact with your picking arm. But if you wernt trying to touch my boobies and smell my hair in that freaky molesting way we wouldnt have this problem.

And now, I leave for counselling.