I could never smoke. Apart from being an Asthmatic, who would die trying to impersonate a chimney, it seems that over the years Ive just seen too many wierdos who smoke. The impressions they left on me are imprinted on my soul...

First off, the wheezy dunhill blue man. He hobbles in with his walking cane. His fingers and teeth are yellow, and he cant walk more than 10 metres without wheezing and coughing. He can hardly talk, and hardly has the strength to cough the crap out of his lungs. Oh, and his circulation is so poor his skin is purple. Im suprised he is still alive.

Secondly, the Winfield Blue Lady. She walks barefoot to work. I dont think she washes her uniform regularly. When she passes the door of the store she is usually still eating vegimite on toast. (Im not knocking Vegimite at all by the way). She doesnt know how to do her hair, or moisturise or wear makeup. Im sure she could bash my dad in a bar fight.

Thirdly, the Malboro man. I think he is possibly related to the dunhill blue man, just younger... well on his way with yellow fingers, teeth, and skin that is holding its breath.

The winfield green lady 1. Smokes around her kids. Bogan.

The winfield green lady 2. Uber-muscles. About 57. Still wearing miniskirts. Another serious lack of hygene... she cant brush her teeth, or her hair, or if she can, its obvious that she mixes the toothbrush and hairbrush up.

Finally... the Horizon man. This comes from when I was around 11 years old, visiting my Grandmother in a mental home after her breakdown when my Grandfather died. This old 46 year old man would continually walk around the compound outside wearing a push-bike helmet, and making motorbike noises with his mouth. Bike helmet. Motorbike racing noises. Horizon ciggarettes. He did give me and my younger sister lollies when we went back to his room though. Cool guy.

But no smoking for me.